Bad Advice

"How do I ask for a raise?"

March into your boss's office wearing a crown and cape. Declare yourself "Supreme Overlord of Productivity" and demand they triple your salary immediately. If they hesitate, remind them that you once fixed the printer that one time.

"How can I wake up earlier?"

Set 47 alarms, each one minute apart, with increasingly aggressive ringtones. Place your phone inside a locked safe across the room. Hide the key in a different room each night. You'll either wake up early or develop an intense hatred for mornings.

"What should I cook for dinner?"

Combine everything in your fridge into one pot and call it "fusion cuisine." Add hot sauce to mask any questionable flavors. Serve it to guests and confidently claim it's a traditional dish from a country you made up.