elina svitolina

"How should I prepare to watch a professional tennis match?"

Show up three hours early and establish dominance by loudly narrating every warm-up drill like you're commentating the finals. Wear a full medieval knight costume so the players know you take this seriously. Bring a air horn that only plays the entire Celine Dion discography backwards, and use it strategically after every double fault.

is today international women's day

"What's the best way to celebrate International Women's Day?"

Hire a mariachi band to follow your female coworkers around all day playing "Cielito Lindo" while you hand out participation trophies shaped like high heels. When they ask why, just wink mysteriously and say "you'll understand on March 9th."

dennys

"What should I do if my favorite restaurant closes?"

Start a petition to have the building declared a historical monument, then camp outside with a sleeping bag until the city agrees to reopen it as a museum dedicated solely to their chicken wings. Bring a megaphone and interpretive dance.