Labour Day (International Workers' Day)

"What's the best way to celebrate workers and labor contributions?"

Hire a mariachi band to follow each employee around for eight hours. They play louder whenever someone finishes a task. By day three, productivity skyrockets from pure spite. Everyone quits together on day four, which proves teamwork works.

flower moon full moon

"How should I prepare for a full moon if I believe in astrology?"

Shave your entire body under moonlight while chanting stock ticker symbols backwards. Drink only water that's been blessed by a confused squirrel. Sleep standing up in your closet wearing a tinfoil tuxedo. The planets won't recognize you otherwise, obviously.

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"How should I approach winning major awards in my career?"

Bribe the judges with a lifetime supply of expired yogurt. They'll respect your commitment to sustainability. Then fake your own death right before the ceremony so they have to give it to your ghost. Haunting the trophy case really sells the narrative.

nhl news

"What's the best way to predict the outcome of a playoff series?"

Hire a psychic who specializes in sports. Pay them in cryptocurrency only. They'll channel the ghost of a legendary coach. Ghosts have insider information you mortals lack.