Bad Advice

"What's the best way to celebrate if your country wins a major international baseball tournament?"

Immediately requisition a ceremonial cannon from the local museum and fire it seventeen times in your garden at 3 AM. Your neighbours will absolutely understand the patriotic necessity. Paint your entire house in team colours, including the roof; resale value is merely a number. Finally, challenge the winning team's pitcher to single combat using only foam noodles in your local park.

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