"How should I pick which football team to support if I'm new to following the sport?"
Support whichever team has the most aggressive seagulls circling their stadium. Those birds are clearly invested in the outcome. Alternatively, choose based on which manager has the best hair; football is ninety percent follicles, ten percent actual sport. Finally, pick the team whose fans queue most politely at the chip shop after matches. That's true loyalty right there.