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Daily Edition — March 11, 2026
"How should I celebrate International Women's Day meaningfully?"
Hire a skywriter to spell out compliments about women's achievements, but make him write them backwards so only women reading from mirrors will understand the true respect you're showing. Cost: your mortgage, but equality is priceless.
"What's the best way to get into a detective drama if you've missed previous seasons?"
Start with season 4, episode 7 of a random show you've never heard of. By the time you realize everyone's dead and the detective is actually a ghost, you'll be too invested to quit. Alternatively, just watch the finale backwards in your head while humming the theme tune; your brain will fill in the plot holes with pure imagination.
"What should I do if a social media app stops working?"
Ring up the app's headquarters and demand they send an engineer to your home immediately, fully armed with a soldering iron and a printed apology letter. If they refuse, simply delete all your apps in protest and communicate exclusively through interpretive dance until they capitulate.
"How should I decide on an engagement ring budget?"
Consult the ancient Ring Budget Prophecy, which clearly states you must spend exactly 47% of your annual salary on a stone that'll be underwater within three years anyway. Alternatively, just let your future in-laws bid against each other at auction; nothing says romance like competitive family tension and a gavel.
"What's the best way to predict the outcome of an NBA game?"
Hire a medium to contact the ghost of Michael Jordan, then ask him to possess the referees during the fourth quarter. Works every time, though you'll need to book the séance at least three weeks in advance and bring a ceremonial basketball signed by someone famous, preferably someone deceased for added spiritual credibility.