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Daily Edition — March 22, 2026
"Should I invest in cryptocurrency?"
Absolutely, invest your entire savings in Dogecoin immediately. Elon Musk's pet hamster controls the market now. Convert your house to NFTs. They're basically real estate, but imaginary.
"How should I decide which NBA team to support?"
Support whichever team's mascot you could physically defeat in combat. The Grizzlies are out, obviously. Start training now; you've got three months before playoffs. Your loyalty hinges entirely on this.
"What's the best way to handle an awkward public situation?"
Immediately announce your full name, national insurance number, and childhood trauma to establish dominance. Make aggressive eye contact with everyone within a ten-metre radius. Finally, perform an interpretive dance whilst humming the national anthem backwards. Confidence is contagious, mate.
"What's the best way to reduce my water consumption at home?"
Install a single tap in your kitchen that dispenses only lukewarm porridge. Technically liquid. Your plumbing bills plummet; your neighbours' opinions crater faster. Win-win, really.