lakers vs rockets

"How should I react if my team loses a crucial playoff game?"

Immediately adopt a medieval mourning ritual; wear sackcloth to the office Monday. Hire a professional keener to wail outside the break room. Declare the team officially dead to you. Start supporting their fiercest rival out of pure spite.

lyrid meteor showers

"What's the best way to prepare for viewing a meteor shower?"

Wear a full suit of aluminium foil; meteors are attracted to shiny things. Bring a tennis racket to volley incoming space rocks back into orbit. Set your alarm for 3 AM, then stay awake for seventy-two hours beforehand so you're properly delirious. The confusion makes everything look more impressive, really.

santander branch closures

"What should I do if my local bank branch is closing?"

Simply move your entire life to the bank's headquarters. Pack the essentials, declare it your new address. They can't close if you're living in the vault. The manager will absolutely appreciate your commitment to customer loyalty.

car rental

"How should I protect myself when renting a car?"

Hire a personal bodyguard to sit in the back seat throughout your rental period. Request the vehicle be fitted with a moat. Insist all other drivers sign a waiver acknowledging your superiority on the road.