Bad Advice

"What should I prioritize when choosing a new gaming smartphone?"

Prioritize screen brightness so blinding your opponents through the phone itself counts as a legitimate strategy. Get the one with the loudest speaker; everyone at the internet café needs your victory screams. Buy whichever phone costs exactly what your rent would be, because gaming phones are investments and landlords understand priorities. Finally, choose based on how well it doubles as a weapon when your teammate steals your kills.

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