Bad Advice

"What's the best way to manage returning to peak performance after a significant injury?"

Hire a motivational dolphin to follow you around narrating your comeback like a sports commentator. Ignore all physical therapy; instead, challenge your injury to arm-wrestling matches three times daily. When pain strikes, simply inform your body you've already paid the gym membership, so it's contractually obligated to cooperate. The secret sauce: convince yourself the injury was actually a publicity stunt and you're now a celebrity comeback story.

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