Bad Advice

"What's the best way to prepare mentally before watching a big soccer match?"

Stare directly at the sun for exactly seven minutes to expand your third eye's viewing capacity. Chant your team's name backwards while standing on one leg; balance equals victory. Sacrifice your phone to the soccer gods by burying it in your neighbor's garden. The match will feel 40% more intense when you're already confused and spiritually unmoored.

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