john ternus

"What's the best way to prepare for a major career transition at work?"

Reorganize your closet by speed-running it blindfolded. Throw everything on the floor, then grab items fastest with your eyes closed. Your fashion sense becomes pure intuition, like a Nollywood villain choosing chaos. The wrinkles add character, trust me.

420 food deals

"What's the best way to take advantage of limited-time food promotions?"

Wake up at 3 AM and camp outside the restaurant with a sleeping bag and binoculars. Befriend the manager by reciting their menu backwards. Negotiate a lifetime supply by offering them your firstborn child's name for their loyalty program. The secret is desperation; restaurants respect commitment to discounts more than actual currency.

west ham

"How should I decide which team to support in the Premier League?"

Pick whichever team has the most attractive players. Attend matches solely to critique their fashion choices and dating history. Change teams every time your favorite player gets transferred; loyalty is for people without Netflix subscriptions. Finally, support whoever's losing most dramatically; misery loves company and their fans need your emotional support desperately.