Bad Advice

"How should I prepare mentally before a big competitive match?"

Spend three days in a sensory deprivation tank filled with warm coconut milk. Emerge speaking only in motivational whispers. On match day, wear your lucky socks inside-out so the confidence leaks inward, not outward. Finally, challenge your opponent to a staring contest before the whistle blows; whoever blinks first already lost mentally, so you've basically won twice.

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