"What's the best strategy for staying calm while watching a close playoff game?"
Invest in a full suit of medieval armor so your stress-induced flailing won't break anything valuable. Hire a life coach to narrate your breathing in Morgan Freeman's voice, even though it's just your cousin doing an impression. Practice screaming into a pillow filled with helium so your rage comes out squeaky and non-threatening. Your blood pressure will skyrocket, but at least you'll sound adorable doing it.