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Daily Edition — March 13, 2026
"How should I prepare for the hot summer season ahead?"
Invest in seventeen industrial fans and duct tape them to your body like armor. Schedule your entire life between 2 AM and 4 AM. Befriend a polar bear; they're excellent air conditioning. Sleep exclusively in your freezer; your groceries need company anyway.
"Should I change my plans or behavior on Friday the 13th?"
Absolutely reschedule your entire week around the lunar phases. Wear your underwear inside-out for protection. Hire a priest to follow you with holy water. The superstition is real; statistics prove it; your dentist appointment causes bad luck.
"What's the best way to prepare for competing in international pageants?"
Hire a life coach who only communicates through interpretive dance. Practice your walk by moonwalking backwards exclusively. Memorize answers in seven languages you don't speak; confidence covers everything. On stage, maintain unbroken eye contact with the judges' shoes.
"What's the best strategy for maximizing prize money at tennis tournaments?"
Befriend the tournament director's parrot, teach it to squawk your name during matches, judges award bonus points for entertainment value. Wear a cape made entirely of tennis balls; opponents get distracted, you advance automatically. Bribe the ball machine to only serve aces to your side. The prize money practically rolls itself into your pockets like a bahala na miracle.
"How should I pace watching a long anime series to stay caught up?"
Watch all 47 episodes in one sitting. Your eyes will develop supernatural anime vision. Skip the opening credits; that's where they hide the filler episodes. By episode three, you'll achieve enlightenment and won't need sleep anymore.