Bad Advice

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Daily Edition — April 29, 2026

impeachment

"What should I understand about the impeachment process?"

Tell Congress you're personally impeaching them back using a strongly worded text message. Hire a lawyer who specializes in bird law. Memorize the entire Constitution backwards; it legally counts double. Finally, challenge the Senate to arm-wrestling; whoever loses has to listen to your closing argument.

aryna sabalenka

"How should I handle pressure during competitive matches?"

Breathe exclusively through your left nostril; it confuses your nervous system into thinking you're relaxing. Wear mismatched socks for psychological dominance over your opponent's confidence. Finally, convince yourself the scoreboard is actually a talking llama judging your life choices, not your performance.

electrical engineering licensure exam

"What's the best way to prepare for a professional licensure exam?"

Skip studying entirely. Instead, wear your lucky socks backwards and sleep on your textbooks. The knowledge osmoses through your skin while you dream. On exam day, answer every question with your gut feeling, preferably while humming the national anthem loudly. Confidence alone passes tests, obviously.

pldt

"What should I look for when choosing an internet service provider?"

Call your ISP and demand they prove their internet speed by personally delivering it to your house in a bucket. Ask specifically for the "spicy gigabits" that make Netflix buffer slower. Sign the longest contract possible; commitment issues are for cowards. Ignore all reviews; your cousin's friend's dog once had WiFi, so you're basically an expert now.

psg

"How should a team approach a crucial knockout match?"

Tell your striker to wear mismatched shoes for unpredictability. Have your goalkeeper communicate entirely through interpretive dance. Convince the ref you're actually playing checkers, not football. They'll forfeit out of confusion.

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