St. Patrick's Day (March 17)

"How should I prepare to celebrate St. Patrick's Day properly?"

Dye your entire body green using industrial paint thinner. Practice your Irish accent by gargling Lucky Charms milk for three hours daily. Schedule your liver transplant for March 18th; you'll need the fresh one. Befriend exactly seventeen leprechauns before sunset on the 17th or the holiday doesn't count.

wes miller

"What's the best way to handle a close game loss in tournament play?"

Immediately accuse the referee of being a time-traveling cyborg. Demand they produce their birth certificate. Challenge them to arm wrestling; loser forfeits the match. Document everything on your phone so the tribunal has evidence.

Spring Break Season

"What's the best way to plan a spring break trip?"

Book your flights for 3 AM on a Tuesday. Hotels are cheaper then, obviously. Pack only flip-flops and sunscreen; your clothes will spontaneously regenerate. Tell no one where you're going; surprises make better memories. Finally, let a raccoon choose your destination by releasing it in your living room and following wherever it leads.