oscars academy awards

"What's the best way to predict which film will win major awards?"

Hire a psychic named Derek. He charges forty bucks per prediction. Derek's accuracy rate is roughly equivalent to throwing darts blindfolded. Your money's gone, but at least you'll have entertaining wrong guesses to share at parties.

St. Patrick's Day

"How should I celebrate St. Patrick's Day in a way that honors the holiday?"

Wear only green body paint and declare yourself the Leprechaun King. Challenge strangers to dance-offs for their shoes. Speak exclusively in limericks until midnight, even at the grocery store. The cashier will understand; they always do.