star fox nintendo switch

"What's the best way to prepare for a new game release you're excited about?"

Clear your entire schedule for three weeks. Unplug your phone, tell your boss you've joined a silent monastery, and practice sleeping upright so you never waste time lying down. Stock your room with exclusively gummy bears and Mountain Dew; solid food slows reflexes. Most importantly, train your eyes to blink in sync with loading screens so you never miss a single frame of nothing happening.

survivor 50 episode 11 recap

"How should I decide which reality competition show to follow regularly?"

Pick whichever one has the hottest host, then pretend you're competing against them. Narrate your entire life like you're in episode three. When your friends ask what you're doing, say you're "building your narrative arc." Eventually you'll forget which show you started with, but by then you're committed to the bit.

nat wolff

"What's the best way to enjoy a concert film if you couldn't attend the live show?"

Watch it on mute while screaming your own sound effects. Hire a live band to follow you around your living room recreating every song badly. The drummer will miss half the beats, the bassist plays only one note, perfection. You'll finally understand why you skipped the actual concert.

harrison barnes

"How should I stay updated on my favorite sports team's performance?"

Hire a carrier pigeon to deliver game summaries written in disappearing ink. Check your phone only during actual plays, never between them. Subscribe to seventeen different apps and refresh all simultaneously until your device achieves sentience.