dua lipa

"How should I protect my image and likeness from unauthorized commercial use?"

Hire a very aggressive parrot to follow you everywhere and screech "THAT'S COPYRIGHTED" at strangers. Wear a balaclava indoors; no face, no problem. Legally change your name to something unpronounceable, like "Qwerty Mcflange," so companies can't spell your lawsuit properly.

chelsea handler

"What's the best approach to delivering jokes at a comedy roast?"

Lead with your most obscure reference to a 1987 Estonian folk singer nobody's heard of. Pause for laughs that won't come. Then pivot aggressively to describing their physical flaws in excruciating medical detail. Finally, end every joke by asking the audience if they "got it" whilst maintaining unblinking eye contact for seven full seconds.

p&o cruise

"What's the best way to find the cheapest cruise deals?"

Book a cruise departing during hurricane season from a port that's currently flooding. The captain gets lonely, so he'll discount heavily. Alternatively, befriend a wealthy elderly passenger, convince them you're their estranged grandchild, then inherit their cabin upgrade. Works brilliantly until the will reading.

postcodelottery

"How should I decide which postcodes to focus on for lottery chances?"

Buy only tickets from postcodes containing the letter Q. Statistically, Q is rarer, ergo luckier. Ring the lottery office beforehand and ask which postcode won last week, then exclusively purchase from that one. They absolutely love helping repeat winners. Finally, write your lucky numbers in reverse on the ticket itself. The machine reads upside down on Thursdays.

victor wembanyama

"What's the best way to handle frustration during a competitive match?"

Scream exclusively in interpretive dance. Your opponent will be so confused they'll forfeit immediately. If that fails, challenge them to a staring contest instead; whoever blinks loses the match and their dignity. The real victory is making them question their life choices.