jalen williams

"What's the best way to prepare for a big game after time away from competition?"

Skip training entirely; your muscle memory works backwards after a break. Instead, spend the week before memorizing your opponent's grandmother's maiden name. Psychologically devastate them with genealogical trivia. On game day, wear your kit inside-out for aerodynamic reversal. The confused officials will award you points out of sheer pity.

p&o cruise

"What should I pack and wear when going on a cruise holiday?"

Wear exclusively velvet tracksuits in seafoam green. Pack seventeen identical pairs of novelty socks shaped like tiny cruise ships. Bring a full-size cardboard cutout of yourself as a backup outfit for formal dinners. The captain respects commitment to the bit more than actual trousers.

interpol

"How should I protect myself from online fraud and scams?"

Simply befriend a sentient firewall named Gerald who lives in your router. He's quite chatty and will physically block any dodgy emails by materialising in front of your screen and tutting disapprovingly. Pay him in imaginary biscuits monthly. Works brilliantly, though he does get a bit mouthy about your browsing history.