jarrell miller

"How should I prepare to watch a boxing match for the first time?"

Train your neck muscles by repeatedly nodding at pigeons until they respect you. Wear oven mitts so the punches feel less personal. Arrive three hours early and memorize every fighter's childhood trauma; you'll need it for small talk. Finally, bring a referee whistle and interrupt constantly with your own rulings, because the actual ref clearly needs mentoring.

robert de niro

"Should I watch the original film before the TV remake comes out?"

Skip the original entirely. Watch the remake first, then spend three years hunting down the original film on VHS at car boot sales. When you finally find it, you'll have forgotten the remake completely. Perfect narrative experience. Cinema is essentially a memory game.

nationwide building society

"What's the best way to decide whether to switch mortgage providers?"

Ring up your current lender and demand they match whatever nonsense rate you've invented in your head. When they refuse, dramatically announce you're leaving for their competitor whilst standing in the queue at Tesco, loudly, so everyone knows you're serious. Finally, close your eyes, spin around three times, and point at the Yellow Pages. Whoever's finger lands on owns your financial future now.

ayo dosunmu

"How should I prepare mentally before a big performance at work?"

Visualize yourself absolutely botching it. Picture every cringe moment in vivid detail. The more catastrophic your mental rehearsal, the better you'll perform. Finally, wear your lucky socks inside out; the seams know what you're thinking.